Falling in love is the best thing in the world
But what if we love so much we end up losing ourselves?
When you’re in love, your brain releases chemicals that form an attachment to your partner, these are what makes you feel amazing when you’re with someone you’re attracted to. You probably feel relaxed, happy, excited, and preoccupied with thoughts of your partner. But when you combine the addictive high from the chemicals of love with any fears or insecurities you have, you become a prime target for losing yourself in a relationship.
Authentic relationship requires fearless confidence in who you are. It requires that you believe you’re okay, and if your partner doesn’t like who you are, then it isn’t a reflection of your worth, your appearance, or anything else on a personal level. When you love and accept yourself, you won’t run the risk of losing yourself in relationships. It is through loving and accepting yourself that you can learn to allow someone else to love and accept you.
Being in love isn’t about trying your hardest. It isn’t about catering to one person’s needs and it isn’t about following someone else’s path. It’s about putting someone before yourself, only because the other person is doing the same. It’s about doing what is best for both of you, because ultimately, you are one. Don’t feel the need to go over-the-top if your partner is simply standing at the edge. A good relationship shouldn’t make you wonder; it should make you confident enough that you never need to confirm whether the other person feels the same way.
What can you do if you feel lost?
Redefine who you are and what you truly want. Life is going so fast we usually run into things without reconsidering our needs and attempts and it might end up to something worse than expected.
Take a break from your relationship to take time to focus on yourself isn’t selfish. When it comes to a point where you loose yourself, reconsidering your whole relationship to point out where you gave up on you is important.
It’s important to stand up for who you are.
“Relationships are supposed to be partnerships and partnerships require a joint effort on both sides,” says Chris Armstrong, relationship coach and owner of Maze of Love.
Unfortunately, it can often be difficult to determine the difference between loving someone accurately, and simply wanting to be with anyone due to insecurity. Self-confidence plays a crucial role in loneliness. And above all, your partner should make you happy, not make you whole. Here is the fine line. The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself.
Psychotherapists are confident in the benefits of going on a break: It’s an opportunity to find yourself, learn to appreciate your significant other and eventually strengthen your relationship.
After all, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
Because as in every love story, the minute you commit yourself to a partner, everything starts to revolve around him or her. You want to make sure you meet his needs, but you’re also unconsciously always thinking of ways to make him happy. You genuinely like striving to be the perfect partner.
How do you find the balance between giving to your partner and holding onto yourself in the process?
A functional relationship makes room for what both of you need, and your partner can’t know what you need if you don’t voice it. Make sure you’re aware of what you won’t give up for anyone. To retain your sense of who you are, you need to set aside time to do things for yourself without checking in with your partner every five minutes. I’ll give you some examples that are worth striving for:
1) Spend time with your friends, without your partner.
2) Identify hobbies and interests that you don’t share
3) Speak up for yourself
4) Map out plans for your future irrespective of your significant other.
5) Unplug from the technologies
6) Remember that you don’t have to experience everything with him
7) Get inspired for yourself
8) Be open to new things
9) Don’t become too dependent – continue to fight your own battles
10) Don’t talk about your relationship nonstop